Hearts and Minds

I met Harriet when I was seventeen. She was pretty without caring about her looks. She was smart without studying for anything. She knew what she wanted and she always managed to get it. That's what drew me, like a moth to a flame, to the brightest thing I had ever seen. To her.

I always thought that she was special. I never knew quite how right I was. Harriet knew what you were thinking before you told her. She knew what you were going to say before you said it. She knew everything and that’s because she could get inside your mind. I don't mean that in a 'she played mind games' kind of way. She was telepathic. She could actually read minds. It was a lot to process. She told me that I was the only person that knew. Harriet also knew how to make you forget, so I don't know whether I was the only one that knew or whether I was simply the only one she had let remember.

She told me she had siblings but they had been separated when they were young. Maybe you've met one of them. Perhaps they’re the gambler who is always winning. Or that one person at work who always gets their way. They were special too. Not as special as Harriet, but more special than any of us. I asked her once if she'd ever tried to find them. Harriet told me she didn't need to try. She knew where they were but they were a different part of her life. A part that she would rather forget. I dropped the subject after that and never brought it up again. Every once in a while I would think about it and I could tell that Harriet knew I was thinking about it. I stopped because I didn't want my thoughts to upset her like hers always had.

Harriet was a force of nature. I was just a loser who fell in love, and fell hard. She was something I'd never seen before and something I doubt I will ever see again. She'd been running from shady government types, the ones you see in schlock political thrillers, for her whole life. After we'd met, we decided to run together. That's how it had been for years and, because I'd been with Harriet, it had been entirely worth it. And here we are, over a decade later, as the best of all the good things comes to an end.

I worked hard to remember the tiny details about her face; the whiteness of her teeth, the small dimples in her cheeks, the intensity of her eyes. I had to remember the details. As Harriet stared deeply into my eyes, I felt my earliest memories of us together grow fuzzy, as if a sheet of muslin cloth had been lowered over the previously focused scenes. She rested her hand gently on my cheek. She knew that I was trying to resist her attempts. Harriet stroked my cheek and shook her head slowly. It had to be this way or we would never be safe. She put the thought into my mind without using her voice. I understood. I hated it, but I understood.

My memories grew hazier and my eyes burned as tears streamed down my cheeks. I told her I loved her for the thousandth time. I used my voice, like always. She didn't respond. She never did. She had always said that it would make our inevitable separation harder. She was right, but I told her again anyway. She kissed my forehead lightly. I would wake up soon with no memory of her and our lives will be safer. Those that sought her out knew that what Harriet was capable of could not be reversed. I would be safe and she would find a new home, far from here. It was devastating, but she was right. I couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been right.

Soon I wouldn't remember her at all. I relaxed and managed a weak smile. Harriet told me to sleep and I could feel myself drifting off. As my eyes closed and my oldest thoughts of Harriet dissolved away, I heard her use her voice for the first time in a long while. The four words floated through my mind and I knew that when I awoke I wouldn't remember them, but here they were. In the final moments before I was claimed by sleep, she'd told me that she loved me. Harriet knew that I'd wanted to hear it, but it was more than that. I could feel the emotion behind the words.

I would never again experience love like I shared with Harriet. And although I wouldn't remember, inside I would be forever changed. I put a stop to any of my lingering resistance to sleep and hoped to have a night full of dreams. Dreams about Harriet, the girl who should have ruled the world and instead ruled nothing but one loser's heart.